A Modern disease- Loneliness

Can anyone ever truly understand what it is like to be you, to experience all the things you have experienced, to understand your joys and happiness, your pains and sorrows? Surely we can talk to other people about how we feel, we can draw pictures, we can play music, but this entire attempt to communicate ultimately leaves something behind. A human being's existence is a lonely existence. At the end of the day, we are all alone. We cannot always get our feelings, ideas or experiences across exactly. There is a painful reality that ultimately we are alone, by ourselves, and ultimately lonely.

Some people are better at alleviating their loneliness than other people, at hiding their monadic existence than others. For them, loneliness is a fleeting feeling that visits them on cold winter days or cold gloomy rainy days when human contact becomes minimal and they are left only with the thoughts in their heads. For others, loneliness is a curse, a shadow that follows them all the time that rears its ugly head at every human contact that surrounds them in their waking and in their dreams.

Whether we would like to agree with it or not, loneliness is a universal phenomenon, it visits every human soul at some time in every culture, every race, every class, every age, and at all times in human history. It is inescapable, and has been expressed throughout the ages in music, literature and art. To feel lonely is to join the rest of humanity in acknowledging that we are somehow fundamentally separated from each other, doomed to speak and yet never fully understood. Not only is loneliness so pervasive, but it has been associated with a variety of different emotions. People who feel lonely describe it as painful, and it is associated very strongly with feelings of depression, suicide, low self-esteem and aggression. Being lonely for too long may not be a good thing. And while we suffer a monadic existence, we are social animals, needing each other, to bond, to connect, to love. It is the paradox of human existence to seek to fill a need that can never be satisfied, to fill the vortex of loneliness in our lives.

Loneliness is feeling isolated and estranged from people. Sometimes people feel lonely because they believe they are different from others or they believe people are indifferent to them. Note that loneliness and being alone are not the same thing. For example, you can be in a crowd with others and still feel lonely; whereas, you can be alone with yourself and not necessarily feel lonely.

Although there is no real estimate of its prevalence, it is not uncommon to feel lonely; everyone experiences it at one time or another.

One may experience some or all of the following:

• I feel that no one cares about me.
• I feel that people only like me as long as I am of use to them.
• I feel that no one understands me.
• I feel I cannot connect to others.
• Sometimes, in order to bridge my loneliness, I accept the company of people I do not really like or respect.
• I feel that I am different from others.
• I feel that no one will be interested in who I am. Sometimes I cry but at other times I feel angry. If I do get close to others, I am afraid that they will either hurt or abandon me.
• I sometimes feel sad and empty.
• I feel life is pointless without people to share it with.
• I may engage in self-destructive behaviors such as drinking or overeating to cope with my pain.

Sometimes people feel lonely after the loss of a loved one. This is a normal reaction to loss. At other times, loneliness could be the result of low self esteem. For example, if a person fears being abandoned, he or she may avoid getting close to others and subsequently feel lonely. This tendency could stem from childhood or adulthood experiences where the individual was badly hurt or rejected. Oddly enough, people who receive a lot of attention can also feel lonely because they believe they are not valued for who they are but because they possess some talent, beauty, or money which, if they lost, would leave them worthless. Loneliness may also be exacerbated by an emotional problem. For example, a person who is suffering from depression may then withdraw from the world and thereby exacerbate his/her loneliness.

Most people periodically feel lonely. It is a common human experience. Sometimes, however, loneliness can become a lasting and emotionally painful problem.

Some ways to overcome loneliness

• You may feel separated from other people because of wrong things that others have done or said to you, or things that you have done or said to others. These things build a wall between us. Look for a way to become friends again. Don't be too proud to say sorry, even if you feel it was mostly the other person's fault!
• Even in a stable long-term relationship or marriage, you should still not expect your partner to meet all of your emotional needs. They should certainly meet many of your needs, because your partner should be your best friend. But you should also have a network of good relationships with other friends, giving and taking help and support.
• Don't look for the answer to loneliness in a sexual relationship. Many people, especially girls, move from one quick sexual relationship to another, desperate to find closeness and meaning. The sort of people they find usually only want the sex part of the relationship, and do not offer more in return. You are worth more than this!
• If you find you are lonely because you fear rejection, try to look at yourself objectively. For example, what are some of the qualities a friend might value in you and try to remember that you have these things to offer.
• Try to find out what things you have in common with others. By doing this you may realize you are not so different from others after all.
• If you find that someone is indifferent to you, remember that they may have something on their mind that makes them seem self-absorbed and thus it is not necessarily personal.
• It can be easy to live out our lives through the imaginary relationships in films, TV, books, or even arm-length relationships on the Internet. These aren't real! TV and film characters do not act and talk like real people! It is an imaginary world, very different from the real one. Live in the real world!
• Try to ask another person about him or her self because people usually appreciate someone who takes an interest in them.
• If you have a family member or friend you think you could talk to, tell them how you feel and you may find that the connection you form helps to dissolve your loneliness.

For me the best way to overcome loneliness is to talk to someone who you know will lend an affectionate ear to your thoughts, one with whom do not feel the sense of talking to other. I mean talking to that person should feel like you are communicating with your own self. But yes this also has a catch attached to it. What if you have found such a person and then when you need him/her the most, they are not there for you? You start feeling lonely again:)