Understanding the Misunderstandings....

Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Please don’t take me wrongly…I can explain this…It’s not the way it appears to be… Well I can easily verbalize with a probability of ‘1’ that each one of us have uttered or listened to these statements uncountable number of times. It’s tough to be on either side in these situations, whether you are the ‘sinner’ or the ‘forgiver’. The sinner will never be in peace because he or she has not been able to put their point across while the listener (sounds more appropriate), who is hurt will never want to listen to any explanation as he/she feels hurt. A catch-22 situation; isn’t it? This isn’t something very new; this situation is in existence since the inception of mankind itself. Yes this is what a misunderstanding is!!

Literally, it means-to fail to understand or interpret rightly the words or behavior of. If it simply means this much why it is that most of the times this misunderstandings lead to the termination of relationships, be it friendship or marriages. Why can’t these words or the behavior that have been misunderstood be replaced by some similar words or behavior?

We have seen it so many times that how a boy and a girl initially come closer coz of the similarities in their likings and behaviors. This fondness goes to the extent that they even start enjoying their dissimilarities. This honeymoon period continues till that fateful day when some forlorn misunderstanding creates a crack, and then widens it - they start and the conclusions are one of these two - "like poles never attract" or "we had so many dissimilarities and it couldn't have worked anyways - I wonder how it went on so far??”

You are always loved for the ‘good things’ that you do and an occasional ‘Odd deed’ of yours overshadows all the good that you ever did! You are loved for the same things some times and lambasted for the same things the other times coz you failed to live up to the expectations of the same bunch of people. "All men are sick,they all just want one thing from women." Have you been lucky enough to have listened to this? (Well, if you are thinking that this is what you also have felt one time or the other, then hold on! You are not unique.)

Well my interpretation of misunderstanding is miscommunication or rather the lack of it.

There is a definite difference between talking and communicating? Communicating has two parts: talking and listening. The root of the verb "communicate" means to share. How can we share thoughts and feelings unless the involved parties in the conversation listen with understanding as well as speak? How do we tell our friends that we love them? Not every time by words, but by LISTENING to what they have to say!!

You don’t always need to feel that it’s only coz of your fault or the person in front of you that this misunderstanding happened. This moment is a test of the strength of your relationship. Don’t start feeling that this misunderstanding arose because of the mistrust, instead think that erasing this misunderstanding shows the level of trust that you have. You may understand their point but still disagree with it. If your opinion is different, don't you want others to respect your right to disagree? Of course you do! How do you get others to respect your beliefs? By respecting theirs! Often disagreements arise because we focus on the words being used instead of focusing on the speaker. How can we keep aside the fact for even a moment that the person speaking these lines means so much to me? Why is it so difficult at that moment to remember that the same person has been with me at all the times? How special he/she has made me feel, may be just an hour ago? How much effort he/she puts to bring a smile on my face, how can the same individual say or do something deliberately to hurt me? Well all these questions seem so obvious in the hindsight but we all know that hindsight is the best sight!

Occasionally, despite our best efforts, conflicts will develop. If so, there's no need to despair. After all, conflicts are always opportunities for growth. Use conflicts to learn where you went wrong and make the necessary corrections. As long as we learn from our mistakes, we will continue to move forward. When we seek to understand first and seek to be understood second, we will avoid most of the problems. Also, when we understand one another, there will be no need for forgiveness.

Misunderstandings arise between people who have a certain level of understanding. How much difference will it make if we think a bit before we speak, even to the person who is closest to us? Closeness and comfort does give us the liberty to say anything but not in any manner. Well look at these two statements- “Don’t ever dare speak to me like that!!” and “Darling, it hurts when you speak that way.” One line of kindness can melt away most of the misunderstandings. As far as I am concerned I always am a bit extra careful while talking to my loved ones, I don’t think this means I am less comfortable with them. It means that I want them to be the last ones on earth who would get hurt by my words or actions.

True, if we always shared the same ideas, there would be no disagreements, but what a dull world it would then be. So, as long as we realize that two monologues do not make a dialogue, and communication does not mean others must agree with us, we should do all right!!